Cheap Thrill

Ok, I think I've figured out a way to get the party started, while at the same time finding out if I'm registering so much as a blip on the Google radar. I'm going to jump headlong into an obscure and absurd controversy (or series of controversies). Perhaps the shitstorm that is sure to follow what I am about to write will serve as sufficient motivation for me to get this blog firing on all cylinders. You see, I've long had the habit of coming up with clever and or funny names for things that do not exist - bands, movies, novels, etc.- and then deciding what these things are like, based on the associations these names conjure up in my head. So when I thought up the name 'Dimestore Blank', I knew I had to start blogging. I imagined it as a combination of Bukowski by way of Jim Goad self-conscious tastelessness, quasi-Boing Boing-ish retro futurism/actual futurism/pop culture oddities, and art and music journalism emphasizing the zone where fringe weirdness and high culture of a literary/philosophical bent intersect.

Since that obviously hasn't happened, I'm going to take the low road and instead engage in some heavy duty troll-baiting. The following will make little sense until the fireworks begin:

<*><*>+-+-+-+<*><*>  AGENT 666 BEGIN COMMUNICATION:

The preceding message was a disposable rhetorical exterior for the following communique from Admiral Wolfspider, Grand Navigator and Sublime Imperial Pontiff of the Hermetic Inner Order of the Perpetually Concealed Conspiracy:

Attention Sleeper Agent FRANZ DE BYL, that's FRANZ DE BYL of Nurse With Wound List fame. The Eagle has landed. The silver shadow has fallen across the Ouroboric Triangle of Babylon. The Eye has opened:

cirrus 

socrates 

particle 

decibel

hurricane 

dolphin 

tulip

The above sequence of words now having activated your awareness, an awareness whose nascent, premature breakthrough (manifested as your confused awareness of the conspiracy in which you are enmeshed) has forced this early and open revelation of The Truth:

You, sir, are an android. You are the product of the engineers and artificial intelligence researchers at Bol-Schmitt Laboratories in Fallstown, Ohio. We implanted the memories into your hard drive of a decades-long music career, when in reality, you rolled off the assembly line a few months ago. During the attachment of your biomesh simu-flesh exterior, a grievous error was made by a DOCTOR WITH SCALPEL, who damaged some of your patented Bol-Schmitt Qualia-Quick artificial nerve fibers, causing a severe overload in the pain-simulation center of your CPU. Consequently, this traumatic experience has caused you to displace the output of your stochastic-protective simualted anxiety output onto NURSE WITH WOUND, rather than the DOCTOR WITH SCALPEL responsible for the mishap. I can assure you that the quack in question has been fired from Bol-Schmitt Industries Inc., stripped of his medical license, and forever shut out of advancement into all but the most exterior exoteric courts of the Outer Order of the Perpetually Concealed Conspiracy. With this data now permanently inscribed to your most fundamental operational memory drive, Unit Franz de Byl, the following sleeper sequence will return you to your previous state, minus your previous, erroneous idea that the illustrious Nurse With Wound had any part to play in this our ancient, intergalactic, and interdimensional Conspiracy.

lotus

walrus

sandstorm

lumen

wave

heraclitus

stratus

Franz de Byl, Franz de Byl, you are human, Franz de Byl

AGENT 666 END COMMUNICATION  <*><*>+-+-+-+<*><*>